Sunday, 10 January 2010

sunday the 10th Jan 2009

Hi all
Hope everyone is ok. Well i got weighed today and im now 14stone 4. Im gonna try and get a body pic on my digital camera.
Well ive been trying to introduce exercise in slowly by walking to work and back about 2 miles every day.
Today I have not stopped and still have loads to do. Just boaring housework really.
Ive become addicted to biggest loser and absolutley luuurrrrrrrrrrrrrveeeeeeeeee Jillian Micheals no nonsense attitude.I watched her talking about finiding you INNER WARRIOR on friday so im going to try and find my inner warrior, no im not gonna done a yellow cat suit and jump around with a samurai sword, but apparentley its about finidng what your fears are and facing them, giving it a big arrrghhhhhh grrrr abd going past breaking point in the gym. So for example if my fear was to go to a gym class cos of people looking and facing it.
So I think my fear is trying to find what is making me want to eat so much, what is missing and without eating im dreading all the emtions coming to the surface and finidng what it is. I think a big thing is im quite saddened by the fact ive not amounted to much career wise and i had to quit my degree, when i think about it actually makes me sad and career. so im trying to face this by getting a new job in the field I want and when not in shifts thinking about taking an extra qualification. so ARRRGGGGHHHHHH instead of being upset or moaning about it or covering up with choc and choc im going to do something about it. I do have a 2nd interview for a job i really want in the next couple of weeks.
Ive also decided to push it in the work out area by notching up the working out.
Also i know i need to organise my surroundings so ive been emptying cupboards and draws all day, tidying, cleaning and catching up with washing.
Going to iron things for next day soon, get lunches organised for tommorow and put my freezer on ebay. So here goes aproductive day for me.

Wednesday, 6 January 2010

Lets get started

Well it is the 6 Th January 2010 and im a bit behind on the new years resolution but ive decided ive had enough of getting bigger and bigger and want to lose weight.
Ive been unhappy with my weight for a while. I need to weight myself but im roughly 14 stone 11 and I want to be 9 stone 5 for my 30th august.
Well ive finally realised ive had enough, i walked home from work yesterday in the snow with two friends in the snow at a slow pace only two miles but today roughly 24 hours later and im exhausted.
Something has got to change. Im fed up of looking like a frump cos i cant find things that look nice in my size and keep telling myself im not buying more clothes cos i have perfectley nice ones in smaller sizes. Fed up of eating so much until I make myself feel sick, watching slimming programs and reading peoples sucess stories for motaivation, but never doing anything about it. Fed up of buying expensive underwear and clothes while my slimmer counterparts can get cheap in primark and peacocks etc. Fed up of being miserable.
So you may wonder how I got here.
I always had a great figure between a size 10-12 for years weighing 10 stone and then I started a new job in a call centre, the shifts didnt agree with my eating pattern at all having been a 9-5 girl for years. I slowly gained weight and then decided to do an access course while working full time and doing shifts. It was pretty intense and I had to do 16 hours a week study plus working so i hate sugar sugar and more sugar to keep going. The bigger I got the more miserable i got. The more miserable i was the more I wanted to eat and stay in. My then partner and i were going through a bad patch and i was more miserable than ever knowing I didnt want to be in the relationship but not having the confidence to be alone. So i ate and ate. Anyway got to nearly 14 stone and called the relationship again.
So started recorating my house and attending uni life was good. I lost nearly 2 stone without thinking and met my now husband.
Then had to leave uni due to a changing in their funding again I was miserable(in a good relationship) but stuck full time again in a job i hate, doing hours I hate and feeling like ive been cheated on by the state. So i started eating again and again and here i am again even more overweight that before.
This has finanally got to stop.
So ive decided to do a sponsored weight loss for a cause close to my heart called City Hearts. Its a girls house for a women who have lost their way in life through sexual abuse, drugs alcohol and eating disorders etc. Its a great cause and is based entirley on peoples charity and time. So im gonna try and post an even more disgusting pic of me later and then a much slimmer one at the end.
So goals for my 30th -pass my driving test
sort my career out
get to goal weight
become more assertive
get organised with housework
sort out finances.
So wish me luck
I will try to post everyday xxxxx